Have you ever wondered why parents are not allowed in the camps until the last day after the children are hyped up? You know what I mean. It would be the time where children are yelling how much they love to study and swearing they will not be motivated from then forth. This is when parents will smile proudly to themselves and go “I’m glad I send them to this course.” – only to find them reverting to what they were before the camp.
It is not uncommon to hear motivational and study skills camps not allowing parents to be with their child – even after the parents are the ones who invested all that money. The most common reasons given would be:
“Parents are a distraction.“
“The children would not be themselves if parents are around.“
But do you know, your presence may increase the success rate of your child’s motivation level by 200x?
Wait! I thought you said no one can motivate others…
When we talk about motivating others, people always have the impression that we should be saying motivating words to our children and harping on successes in the future. This behaviour, unfortunately, is the set behaviour that everyone seems to adopt to motivate others. Many parents simply adopt this behaviour to adopt their children and find that it simply backfires.
You may have come across stories where once-defiant children seem to change under the hands of a teacher. Many believe that they use motivational words or harp on success. This is not true. It is the constant attitude of care and concern displayed by the teacher towards the students that cause these changes. The children feel it and wanted to change themselves. In short, they were motivated to change.
The First Vital Step all Motivational Camps Take
During the camp, motivational camps would usually start off by questioning the children of their self-worth and identity. This is the first step where children are supposed to release the emotions and anger they have suppressed over the years of being reduced to an academic pawn for high-stakes national exams. Once all these tension is released within the first day, the child should now feel “free of emotional baggages” and will be able to absorb the study skills that comes. Yet, after all the so-called ’emotional release’, the children are back to square one with their parents – who have no idea of all existing their emotional baggages!
Some parents may gasp here. “Academic pawn? How dare you! I will never subject my child to that! I’m doing all these of their future!” Sure...Tell that to all the children who shared heart-breaking stories with me of the words parents have used on them ‘for their future’.
Parents, you have no idea how important you are in the eyes of your child.
What is interesting to me here is that these camps should be aware of the massive effect parents have on their parents. Which begets this question –
why are motivational camps keeping parents out of their child’s motivational transformational change?
The Top Secret Study Skills
When study skills accompany motivational camps, these skills are secret. They can help to accelerate learning for any subject when used appropriately. However, when most children are left to these ‘secrets’, they do not end up applying them – even when they know it should work!
Why is this so?
Children who are generally motivated will be the ones who will apply some of these secret formulas. How about those who are not as motivated? Many times, not-so-motivated children are unsure how to apply these skills. Some may be easily overwhelmed. Many forget after not trying. Many just don’t know how to as they need lots of practises with ones close to them to help them apply these skills to their learning.
They need their parents to help them out!
They need their parents to practise with them!
Their parents need to learn these accelerated learning skills themselves!
Yet common sense tells us this is where the problem lies. No study skills company is going to teach the parents with their children how to study better!
Why Children-Parent Bonding + Study Skills Classes are Necessary
When I first started teaching study skills to children without their parents, their responses perturbed me. One parent remarked to the child (after she demonstrated memorisation a challenging 30-items sequence), “Oh, so you are actually smart after all.” For some reason, that remark didn’t sit well with me. Was the parent trying to goad her child? Or did she not simply understand how her words can hurt her daughter so easily?
That’s when I toyed with the idea of including parents in the workshops. When I first started asked for feedback among educators of the idea of conducting student-parent bonding + study skills classes with some educators, many laughed.
“The parents are only dying to outsource their child’s learning to others! That’s why the tuition industry is making so much money!”
Undaunted, I gathered a few parents and proceeded to conduct a 2-days course with them. By the first half of the day, the parents were watching their children in a different light.
One parent was shocked to find out his daughter entertained thoughts of suicide at the age of 11.
One parent didn’t realised the word ‘OK’ towards her daughter’s good results was hurtful (I’m serious!).
One parent didn’t realised that she had stopped praising her elder child but was favouring the younger one a lot more.
By watching how much their children struggled with their self-esteem, they realised that their children generally put up a strong front but were struggling deep inside. Their thoughts, fears, emotional baggages and words were deeply ingrained in their children far deeper they thought. When the children connected with their parents, that was when they really felt an emotional release of suppressed baggages and were all ready to learn.
Many parents were hit with a realisation that they themselves required an overhaul of attitude towards their children. As they learnt to learn once more with the study skills, they realised that ..perhaps to motivate someone is not just all talk and yelling but just by being there.
Disclaimer: Not all parents and children will change for the better. As it usually takes 2 hands to clap, it is very dependent on the effort made by both child and parent.