I have received some enquiries on how to maximise the effectiveness of the downloadable Learning Styles book. If you like to download a copy, just sign up for the newsletter or the pop-up.
I felt that it was better to create a series of videos to explain how and why the downloadable book was designed as much. In this series, I also like to be clear that this is not about limiting a child to one particular learning style but rather to their dominant one(s). And yes, it is possible to have more than 1 learning style or complement 2 of them as well.
Part 1 : Introduction
In this video, I talk about the importance of you going through the survey with your child in a calm state of mind.
2. Learning Skills Survey
Here, I talk about the importance of letting your child to assess their own skills required for studying. This way, you are able to gauge your child’s confidence towards their abilities.
3. Learning Skills Questionnaire
For this video, I talk about how the questionnaire is designed to identify your child’s dominant learning styles.
4. Identifying Your Child’s Learning Style
In this video, I maintain my stand that your child’s Learning Styles can and most likely be a mix of all three styles with one being the most dominant. That said, it is important to reiterate that one should combine ALL 3 LEARNING STYLES if possible or at least utilise the more dominant ones.
Each video is around 1-2 minutes long. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
It is often easy to forget that as parents, we are often akin to zoo exhibits – our children never cease to observe our actions and listen in on our conversations. They know when we are not walking the talk.
Additionally, while we often persuade, nag and chide our children to be kinder, gentler, more loving and generous to others, it has been found that a most effective and powerful method of modelling good values and teaching healthy ways of managing relationships can be seen in the way we treat our spouse.
Undeniably, parenting brings with it a myriad challenges and they become exceedingly tough to manage if the marriage is not in a healthy place. Problems are compounded when husband and wife are unable to tackle parenting challenges as a team and the effects of the children witnessing a failing marriage can be detrimental.
Here are some ways to show love to your spouse which will undoubtedly bring about positive outcomes for your children and help them grow up experiencing plenty of love and security at home:
Speak words and act in ways that build each other up
Be quick to affirm your spouse and slow to criticize. Being openly appreciative of your spouse in front of your children by affirming their sacrificial acts of love for you and the family teaches your children more about gratitude towards others. Don’t underestimate the power of being physically affectionate with your spouse too. The kids might cringe and squeal upon witnessing you displaying physical affection to your spouse, but it is undeniable that this is one way to help foster a home environment that helps our children feel more secure, loved and appreciated.
Discuss parenting challenges objectively
Put ego aside to tackle parenting challenges with the children’s best interests in mind and foster a genuine interest in listening to your spouse’s concerns. It is not about fighting to be the one who’s got better parenting ideas but really about looking to see how you can help each other teach the children better. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. Stand together and show them the stability in your marriage so they know they can’t play one parent against the other. We do our children a great disservice when we let our egos get in the way as we parent them.
Deal with marital conflict without being hurtful
While it might be unsettling for children to witness conflict between parents, a world of good can come out of conflict when it is resolved in front of them. Healthy conflict management where arguments are carried out in a way that seeks to understand the other party’s point of view will show our children how conflict can be managed in a mature manner that is not destructive to relationships. They can pick up invaluable lessons from you on how to manage their own future relationships and marriage when they grow up secure in the knowledge that mummy and daddy are committed to working through issues together and won’t give up on each other or them.
There is therefore much wisdom in getting our relationship with our spouse on a right footing in order to be the best parents we can be for our children.
Do you remember the most recent conversation you had with your child? What words did you choose to convey your thoughts? What were the emotions evoked in your child? And what was the outcome of that interaction? Often, we get caught up in the hectic pace of life, and our words are more orders than encouragement, and our tone can get tense and curt. Undeniably, this has an effect on our children.
As parents, our words are powerful. They leave an indelible mark on our children; while we might forget the conversations we have had with them as we get busy with adult responsibilities, our words sometimes, linger on in the memories of our children and are carried on into their lives as an adult, impacting how they perceive themselves and the world around them. For example, a young adult who has poor body image may have faced regular critical comments from their parents about their weight and appearance. Another, who is a perfectionist and displays highly self-critical behaviour may have endured constant criticisms about not meeting certain standards in their growing up years.
Conversely, using words of affirmation can have a long-lasting positive impact on your child. A child who’s is regularly affirmed and encouraged, is likely to have greater self-awareness, confidence and resilience, and build positive healthy relationships with others. They are also more likely to practice positive-self talk and keep a healthy perspective when weathering the challenges that are part and parcel of adult life.
Over the course of this week, observe the way you speak to your children. Do you find yourself using more positive or negative words and phrases? How do you handle a situation when your child has fallen short of the standards you set? Do your comments focus mainly on the academic area of your child’s life? Once you understand where the gaps are, you can begin to change the quality of your parent-child conversations. Use words of affirmation and praise when your child has shown good effort. By this, they will know that you see and value what they have done. Perhaps your child has a personal passion in a specific area such as sport, art or music. Affirm their hard work and talent when they showcase it to you – a parent’s praise is priceless!
Even in discipline, it is possible to be consistent and firm, and still extend grace to your child who needs it. This doesn’t mean you should be a permissive push-over – that certainly won’t help your child either. Take the time to discipline your child rather than just handing out punishments; this requires a conversation about their wrong-doing, and how they can set it right, and listening to their thoughts on the situation – you can practice even with a young child who understands right from wrong. As a bonus, your child will likely internalise this process and practice it on their own as they get older.
Often, poor parent-child communication indicates a bigger and more long-standing problem in the lives of the parents – a chronic lack of self-care. Here, the analogy of securing your own oxygen mask in an airplane, before tending to your child, holds true. Make the time and find healthy ways to cope with the stresses you are under, rather than pushing them aside. When you are relaxed and have a healthy perspective, you are more likely practice affirming your child on a regular basis, rather than reacting to them with anxiety and even anger.
What to do when your spouse seems to be making you both poorer by the minute
We received this tongue-in-cheek question at our Crazy Marriage Seminar this year. No surprises that questions on squabbles over money management were one of the most frequently asked.
In many marriages, husbands and wives differ drastically in spending habits but interestingly, the disagreement over money is rarely about money. It is usually more about fighting for something that brings satisfaction to one’s life; pleasure, independence, control, freedom or security.
Here are some ideas as to what you can do if you are living with a spouse whose spending patterns are a cause of concern for you:-
Rally your spouse to be your team player in setting money goals
It is highly likely that neither you nor your spouse would like to be dictated to when it comes to decisions on how much money is to be spent and where to spend it. However, you’ll both need to start with the big picture by collectively deciding on how much money you both envision to keep as security in the form of savings and how much to put aside to freely spend for acquisition of things and investments.
While negotiating this can often be tricky because values might differ from your spouse, the key thing is to remember that the goal is to maintain the health of your marriage – that is what is truly valuable. Coming to a consensus that the both of you are reasonably comfortable with should be the main objective for the sake of your marriage. Think as a team in all your money management decisions – that is the value to hold on to.
Seek to find out the underlying reasons for your spouse’s need to overspend
In every fight, listen to your spouse’s story before telling yours. Find out why your spouse spends compulsively on things. There are usually a myriad reasons for overspending. To name a few – privileged childhood, deprived childhood, depression, anxiety, the thrill of the hunt, satisfaction of snagging good bargains or keeping up appearances. Looked at closely, they all point to one thing – the need to fill an emotional void.
Whether or not your over-spending spouse is fully aware of this fact or oblivious to it, your spouse might think along the lines of, “If I have this, I’ll be hip.” Or, “I’ll be accepted.” Even, “My life just might be complete.” However, the truth is that the acquisition of things never provides real security. It can instead be a never-ending abyss that cannot be filled.
Before making a purchase, encourage your spouse to ask this question, “What am I trying to do?” If the answer has anything to do with finding fulfillment or escaping stress or pain, discourage them from buying the item and instead find ways to be the one to provide the stress relief to your spouse or explore other less material-based pursuits to fill that emotional void of theirs.
The best thing you can do to help your spouse overcome their inclination to overspend is to support him or her in seeking other ways to fill that emotional need. It could be anything from joining them in pursuit of finding fulfilment or even simply spending more time with your spouse doing things you both love that might not even need to cost a cent.
However, seek to validate and not put down your spouse as you help him or her identify unmet emotional needs. Rather than rebut your spouse’s point of view, validate it with statements such as “Let me see if I understand what you are saying” or “If I heard you right, what matters to you is…”
Be open to seeking professional help too, if you sense there is a need, by seeing a counsellor or religious leader as a couple to help your spouse manage his or her spending habits.
In every marriage, conversations about money are always going to be challenging. But if you are determined to be a spouse who is willing to lovingly help your loved one develop healthy spending habits, your marriage will be greatly strengthened.
A child’s fears, both real and imagined, can surface at any time. While it is common enough for all children to experience fears at different points in their growing up years, this can turn into anxiety and very real emotional distress if left unchecked for a prolonged period.
Often, the biggest challenge for parents and caregivers is striking a balance between empathising with the child, without feeding their fears. Here are 3 strategies to try with your child.
Talk about their fears
The worst thing you can do to a fearful child, is to minimise or ignore his fear. Saying “Don’t be scared” or “There’s nothing to be scared of” will only make him even more anxious. Instead, allow your child to speak freely about what is troubling him. Often, this may provide you with insight on the root cause of the fear itself, or what coping mechanisms might work best for the situation. Do keep a calm tone of voice and demeanour, even as you offer a listening ear. This will enable you to empathise with your child without increasing his anxiety.
Make a plan
If you observe your child closely, you’ll find that her fears will follow a predictable pattern. For example, a young child might be afraid of the dark, and you can be sure that this fear will emerge at bedtime each night, resulting in a standard routine of tears, tantrums and a refusal to go to bed. To address this, you could find a time when your child is relaxed, and devise a simple plan of action that she can use. This might include switching on a nightlight before getting into bed each evening, and using self-talk to remind herself that the movements in the dark are simply shadows. If all else fails, they can then call for you. Having a plan assures your child that she is not helpless when fear strikes.
Provide gradual exposure
Completely avoiding the cause of your child’s fear can sometimes backfire and turn it into a long-standing phobia. Some fears can be overcome by gently introducing them to the subject of fear. For example, if a child is fearful of dogs, you might want to visit a park and observe the dogs playing from a distance. After a while, you could visit a friend who has a pet dog, and encourage your child to sit in the same room with it, and then to touch the dog’s coat, when he is comfortable doing so. With this slow and steady exposure, your child can overcome his fears.
Empowering children with the tools to cope with fear builds emotional resilience. As they move through childhood and into adult life, more complex issues are guaranteed to crop up – and these skills will help them deal with crises. In some cases, these coping strategies may not suffice and parents should seek the help of a counsellor who can guide their family effectively.
Join the next Parenting with Confidence class to discover timeless parenting principles, backed by trusted research. Gain the essential tools to raise resilient and resourceful children today!
As parents, it is natural to have big dreams for our children. It is not rare to hear parents telling their children to study hard so that they can become doctors, engineers, lawyers etc. when they grow up. The idea that our children have to excel academically in order to be successful in future is deeply ingrained in the minds of most parents.
However, it is crucial that parents learn to recognise that there is more than one pathway to success and every child is unique in his or her strengths and passions. If we are adamant in forcing our children to fit a certain mould, or try to compare our children with others, the result can be detrimental. Until we embrace a broader definition of success, only then will we be able, and willing to equip our children to chase their dreams, whatever that dream may be.
The recent change in the PSLE scoring system is a start in the government trying to change the trend of an overemphasis on academic grades but to encourage parents to allow their children to pursue their interests as well. We need to ask ourselves, “What kind of future do we want for our children? While we desire for our children to do well academically, are we also nurturing the fundamental qualities that will help them be successful whichever path they choose? Are we taking time to develop their strengths and interests?
Here are three ways you can help your children chase their dreams:
Observe your children at play and you may discover some hidden talents that you were previously unaware of. For example, does your child often lead the pack when playing in a group? Is he good at conflict resolution when a disagreement happens during playtime? Does he think out of the box or is he more analytical? There are many personality traits you can discover through your observations that can help you guide your children in their development.
Engage your children in meaningful conversation about their aspirations. Beyond the standard question of “What do you want to do when you grow up”, ask them what they would like to do to make the world a better place. Challenge their thinking and perspective by talking to them about what they observe around them. If they are old enough, talk to them about current affairs or walk them through planning and setting meaningful goals towards achieving their dreams. Share with them the values you would like to see develop in them. Help them to dream big and not just settle for the rat race.
Encourage your children to pursue their interests, no matter how unrealistic they may seem. For example, if your child wants to be an astronaut, don’t be too quick to diminish that dream and say it is impossible. Instead, take him to the planetarium to look at the stars and dream with him.
Confucius gave us these words of wisdom, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” Rather than getting stressed up about our children’s academic results, why don’t we take time to explore and nurture our children’s strengths and passions?
One of the biggest issues that plagued most budding young writers would be their disorganised thoughts. They would be everywhere…and I really mean EVERYWHERE.
Their thoughts are often jumbled and disorganised. Many students, who have little confidence in their writings, often take their teachers’ words either too seriously … or not seriously at all. Here are some of the more common ones that I had come across:
The Warped Time Machine
This common mistake often leaves many readers scratching their heads. Somehow, the student assumes that every reader is extremely intelligent and is able to either 1) read his/her thoughts or 2) fill in the blanks by themselves. When I interviewed one student on the rationale for writing like this, he replied, “I thought the examiners will know what will happen! There’s no need for me to fill in so many details!”
The Explicit Information Provider
This particular student of mine would provide every single detail..to the end. It would start with her waking up in the morning before having her breakfast. After which, she would talk about how her family would be waiting for her at the car and so on.. by the time she got to the plot, it would be her third page.
The Scene Jumper
Imagine watching a movie. Within the first five minutes, the scene jumps to another scene without warning. This second scene has no relation to the first one and guess what, it returns to continue the initial scene. It then goes back and forth repeatedly with some cameos by some other unrelated ones. By the end of the movie, not only are you confused.. you have a splitting headache. This is what it’s like to read stories from students who write like these.
Why Mindmaps or Sequential Timelines don’t work…alone
Teachers would often use the mind maps or sequential timelines for students to draft out their thoughts and ideas. However, I find that most students struggle with basic mind maps or these time lines because they tend to write in words. While they may help in one way, they are best complemented with sketches and doodles to help them visualise details and ideas.
If you read my earlier articles on the different learning styles, you will realise that many students don’t process leaning in words. In fact, most of us process this information visually. In short, they visualise information in pictures.
Try Doodling a quick Storyboard to Accompany
One way to do it is to create an extremely quick storyboard with doodles and sketches to accompany the written words. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate sketch. In fact, stick figures may be all that they need. The doodling helps them to visualise things in their heads and clarify their views in their minds.
Storyboarding is a tool that is often and frequently used by moviemakers, animators and such. However, the true purpose of it is to help organize and focus a story. By having a visual representation of their thinking, the story board helps the student to stay on track before they lost focus and add/omit details that hampers the story lines.
This technique is so useful that once the general picture can be obtained, they can advance it by using them for paragraphs.
Hope this tip helps! Next week, we will be progressing to Reading.